I didn't blog last night. I was doing online puzzles they allow me to shut of my brain in a sense, to hold back all the things I don't want to think about. Yesterday I noticed a distinct change in my own mood and behaviour. I wanted to be left alone. I wanted some time to heal myself.
Sometimes just getting out of bed takes every ounce of strength. These are the days when you don't wash or clean your teeth and if you have to get dressed, it will be in yesterdays clothes. Having a conversation on these days is almost impossible, so imagine trying to support someone else when you feel you can't even keep yourself going. These are not the worse kind of days, but they can be a warning of what might come if you don't do something.
Yesterday for me was one of these days. When Emily tried to hold my hand or lay against me on the settee it set off almost like a panic inside me. I guess its my body's way of telling me I need some rest, but unfortunately I can't and won't abandon my daughter.