About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Sunday, 6 May 2012

6th May 2012

Emily's mood has deteriorated during the day.  We managed a couple of hours out as a family, but then she wanted to come home.  For the rest of the day she has been drawing pictures.  Her in a cage, her crying, her drowning.  She told me she really wanted to hurt herself but was trying not to.

On most days I dread bedtime.  It's the time I have nothing left to give and she needs more and more from me.  Inside my head screams, outside, I hug her and I talk calmly.

I feel very isolated.  As a big Facebook user I find I am in hiding. My status updates mention what the cats have been up to or some other pointless nonsense.  My daughter is on Facebook.  How can I possibly tell the truth??  So I hide in my real world and pour it all out here.  I wonder whether Emily would hate me for writing this.

I firmly believe that leaving Emily sat in the house all weekend is counter productive.  You can almost see the walls closing in around her.  In fact that was one of the phrases she used herself last night.

Its' Bank Holiday Monday tomorrow so I asked her this evening "Why don't you think of something nice you'd like to do tomorrow"  her reply was "die"

What the hell are you supposed to say to that?

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