About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Thursday, 17 May 2012

Day of Judgement

Well the day arrived.  Our first real appointment at CAMHS, with a nurse and a psychologist.   Emily spoke some of the time and I filled in the gaps.  They feel that Emily would benefit from a combined approach, i.e. medication alongside therapy.  They mirror my concerns that this has gone on too long and is now too severe for her to get better with therapy alone.

Unfortunately, in order to do this, we now need to wait for a further referral to the medical team for the medication and the therapy team for the sessions.  They gave no indications of timescales.

Emily came out of the appointment in floods of tears.  She can not see how she will make it to the next appointment.  In her head she's turned it into months of waiting.  CAMHS want her to continue at school, but this means that I now have to go back to the school and try and get them to put other support in place for her.  As she has become so withdrawn, she can not communicate with children outside the classroom.  The possible friendships she was trying to nurture have fallen by the way side.  In fact yesterday she was laughed at and called a loner and an idiot.

I took her to KFC for lunch straight after the appointment as I knew this would be something she'd eat.  Back home she was clinging and wanting to give up, crying, angry at the lack of urgency.  She was going over and over the same ground to the point I thought I would scream at her.

My own brain was overloading, I'd brought work home to finish, I have a stupid Art exhibition to prepare for, I need to speak to school, the house is a tip, I feel crap and I can't keep saying the same thing to her over and over again.  I went upstairs to try and speak to school, but got voice mail.  I lay on my bed and before I knew it exhaustion had consumed me.  I woke up 2 hours later, thinking about the razors I was supposed to remove from the house and wondering which of the local supermarkets had the best price in Bacardi.

Having that bit of downtime seemed to give me enough to be able to speak again.  I talked to Emily, explained that my own illness needs me to have timeout.  She understood, and kept asking me if I was alright.

Having a text chat with my sister this evening has resulted in my niece making arrangements with some of the year 8 girls in her form to look out for Emily at lunch tomorrow.  I really hope this doesn't make things worse.  I recognise the situation Emily is in.  You can't talk to people, they assume you are stuck up etc and ignore you, and the cycle continues....

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