About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Saturday, 5 May 2012

5th May 2012 - A typical evening?

I'd been lured into a false sense of security.  We've had 2 days of reasonable normality.  Emily had gone to school without too many tears and had stayed there.  She'd been quite animated and chatty when she came home, evenings were thankfully calm.  But today, today old fears raised their ugly heads again.

Emily showed me some writing she'd done along with a picture of a black hole and one of a boy with a scar on his cheek.  She told me that he was one of the people trying to hurt her. He's part of a gang.  Part of a gang who want to hurt her, a gang that only she sees.

Despite this, her spirits were reasonable this afternoon. But that changed this evening when she ran down stairs from her room, where she'd be watching tv.  The familiar sound of her hyperventilating hit me first and then when she enters the living room you see the fear in her face.  She tells me everything is closing in, she's sobbing and her eyes dart rapidly around the room.  I ask her what she's looking for and she says she doesn't know.  Someone is going to hurt her. Someone is biting her, trying to stangle her.  I stand up and hold her close, her sobs are ear piercing.  She grips me so tightly I almost gasp for breath.  This is how my daughter is these days, not all the time granted, but far too much of the time.

How Emily sees things
I talk to her, I try to calm her, the usual techniques of distraction, breathing exercises, reassurance.  It's so draining but its all I can do.

Eventually she's calm enough for me to leave her bedroom with her tucked up in bed.  She has a cuddly toy held tightly and the bedside light will be on all night.  I tell her how much I love her as I leave the room, the door remains open and the landing light stays on.

No comments:

Post a Comment