About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Thursday, 24 May 2012

Voices

Things have continued to decline.  Emily still has no one to call a friend at school.  I couldn't get her to school on Tuesday or Wednesday this week.

On Tuesday, she admitted to me that she was now hearing voices.  They shout her name and tell her they're coming to get her.  Her headaches and sickness have also started to get much worse.  I began to wonder if she was getting migraines.

A call to CAMHS yesterday gave me the information that they think all these problems are an escalation of her anxiety symptoms.  They promised to call me today to tell me when our next appointment would be.

When, by late afternoon, I'd had no call, I rang and chased up the appointment. Everyone has been very kind at CAHMS, which meant todays return phone call came as a bit of shock.  What I can only describe as an annoyed woman called me asking me what the problem was.  She ask me questions which showed she hadn't even opened Emily's file.  Basic stuff like what were school doing about the bullying?  Erm, she's not at the same school anymore.... In the end, I pretty much had to tell her why she was ringing me.  I was supposed to be getting an appointment.  She continued to be very sharp, saying they didn't know whose 'case load' Emily would be on yet.  I'm sorry, she's not a case, she's a little girl who's dying inside a little more each day.  She made it sound like I was forcing her to give us an appointment.  I was only going on what I'd been told, that there was going to be an appointment allocated.  Stupid, thoughtless woman.  She begrudgingly offered us an appointment next week, tell me it would be yet another assessment.  I'm dreading it,  with an attitude like that what hope have we got?

How many times does this poor child have to be 'assessed' before someone helps us????

Tonight when I came home from work, Emily asked if she could tell me something.  She'd been hiding the fact that she'd started cutting herself.  Small stuff without much impact, but cutting all the same.  She'd also tried to burn herself with a match while Nannan popped to the local shop.  It's obvious that we now can not risk leaving her alone for even a short time.

She told me that there are so many voices in her head, she doesn't know if they are hers or not.  She says they are telling her to hurt herself, telling her to kill herself.  She also told me she'd been close to running away. But still, she doesn't know if its her telling herself or if its the voice of another.  I watched her clutching at her head, sobbing and screaming and I was thinking, should I take her to hospital again?  What am I supposed to do??  Should I bloody video it so I can send it the nasty woman who thinks my daughter is just another case.

I need them to help us, I can't do this on my own.  Normally I would be crying, but tonight I am calm resignation.  I feels like I will have to do this by myself.  I try, I counsel her, I question her thoughts and do my own crude version of CBT, I hold her and I try and keep her safe.  But how long can I do it?  She's getting worse, we're not even treading water.

3 comments:

  1. Just been reading back through some earlier posts I'd not seen before, has anyone suggested schizophrenia yet?

    Emilys voices sound very much like my sons problems, I'm not suggesting she is, but once my son was diagnosed and on the right medication he has now just started collage after being in turmoil for 8 years.

    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They are hoping that the Fluoxetine will remove these symptons. If not they are prepared to give her anti-psychotic medication too. To be honest I'm hoping it won't be needed, but if she does need it, then so be it. I do hope your son is able to manage his symptons now, it must have been a terrible time for you both.xxx

      Delete
    2. Fingers crossed the Fluoxetine works, as anti-psychotic medication is pretty hard core for an adult let alone a very young teenager.

      Hopefully it won't come to that (((hugs)))

      Delete