About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Sunday, 10 February 2013

How far?

Today I sat in a shopping centre crying. The reason for the tears was not sadness but pain, pain in my heart, pain caused by memories tugging at me .

Emily had asked me to take her for school stationery supplies and inbetween shopping we'd stopped for lunch.  As we chatted she asked me if I thought she had made progress with her illness.

I said 'yes, of course' straight away, but then her words sent me back in time. My mind began to dig deeper into my memories.

Sat across from her I looked into her eyes and said, "You have no idea how far you have come.  When I think back it scares me" and it did, really scared me to the point that I could not stop the tears from forming.  Once formed they began to overflow and make their way down my cheeks.  I sensed people noticing me, but I really and honestly didn't care.  Emily reached across the table and took my hand, saying sorry for upsetting me.

I told her it was ok.  It has been a roller-coaster of a journey and we are not at the end.  A year ago we were in a terrible place and, whilst things are far from perfect, they are at least better.

Emily looked at me as though she couldn't comprehend.  She still considered herself to be ill.  I suppose she is, but from where we were, we have come so far.

She looked almost puzzled.  I told her that I had written a diary and that one day  I would share it with her.  Then she would truly see how far she had come.

2 comments:

  1. When you are in the middle of something it's so hard to see how far you've come. Like a long gruelling trek up a mountain. Soon you and Emily will be able to look out over the view and see what an amazing - and difficult - journey you've both been on, and be really proud of yourselves xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am so lucky that I found this blog when I was reading articles yesterday. Many thanks for it.

    Lumigan

    ReplyDelete