About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Saturday, 29 September 2012

Another week goes by

I've found it terribly hard this week. I've missed Emily so much. We get so used to being able to phone or text our loved ones at any time that it is alien when this option is removed. Emily's phone is usually in her possession for 2 hours per day, approximately 6pm - 8pm. The rest of the time it sits in a safe.  Sometimes she doesn’t collect it at all.

She goes back to the unit on a Sunday evening and there is no visiting on Monday..  Obviously that makes it Tuesday night before I can see her. It seems such a long time. Messages were flying from my phone to hers on Monday evening, but it doesn't replace actually seeing her in the flesh.

On Monday morning I had my own Doctors appointment.  She looked at me with pity in her eyes before increasing my medication and offering to refer me for a new batch of counselling.  I’m not sure how long the waiting list will be, but I think it will be well worth exploring my first marriage and the problems my daughter is recalling from that time.  I wonder if I can actually lay some of the crap to rest.  Time will tell, it’s weird how I can hardly recall any details.

On Tuesday I went to visit Emily with my husband and son. We played games around a table and tried to keep it light hearted, but there were times when Emily cried.  She says she missed cuddles the most and she can’t go to anyone when she wakes in the night.

Her father has wanted to see her this week, but she doesn’t want him to visit.  This has caused some problems as he thinks it’s me being obstructive. I think our relationship has now reached a point of no return.
I’ve visited Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Emily tells me she finds it hard when I visit.  She really wants to see me and have cuddles but then she misses me when I’ve gone.  Trouble is I don’t think I could go without seeing her.  That’s perhaps me being selfish.  My biggest fear is that she’ll say she doesn’t want to see me, like she’s done with her father.

Today my Mum & Dad brought her home for the weekend.  She is already showing signs of distress, she really wants to hurt herself.  Tonight we had poster paints out in the living room and we both made colourful patterns.  Tomorrow we will decorate squares of fabric, as I came up with the idea of us making squares for a patchwork quilt.  It will be another full on intense weekend, but I don’t care.  At least I have her home, if only for the weekend.  I just need to keep her safe

2 comments:

  1. I've read your whole blog today. I cried a few times for Emily and for you. I hope the squares decorating was a nice activity for you and that the weekend passed OK. I know I can't help but I will be thinking of you and your family.

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  2. Knowing you read the blog makes me feel thought about, so thank you xx

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