I'm not sure anyone in my house managed to get through the weekend without feeling ill, even the cats seem to have colds. My head, face and neck were so painful on Saturday. Painkillers wouldn't touch it so I spent most of the day with a hot water bottle attached to my face. Emily had tummy ache, so was also making use of a hot water bottle. My husband walked around like a zombie and to top it all we spent Saturday night/ Sunday morning alternating between my vomiting son and my scared crying daughter.
Emily went quietly back to the unit on Sunday. My son stayed off school on Monday. Today I dropped him at school, but I'd arranged to work from home, just in case I 'got a call'. I tried to do some work. The 'call' came at 11.30, so I went and brought him home. He's just overtired I think. He put himself to bed when we got in.
Since then I've been trying to work. I have been less than productive. I can do basic tasks, data input, typing up notes, checking details, answering e-mails etc. I can do anything that doesn't require decisions, creativity, flare, drive or enthusiasm. Unfortunately, there is only a small proportion of my role which doesn't require those things. I even struggled to think of those words to write here.
On top of everything going on around I am so terribly concious that deadlines are upon me for work I haven't even managed to start. I've worked for my employer for a number of years, they consider me hard working, conscientious and someone who gets things done. I am no longer that person, I wonder how long it will take them to realise?
I am so very very tired. It feels like there is nothing left. I just want to put myself to bed and stay there for a week. But I can't, tonight is visiting, tomorrow is work and parents evening and on and on it goes.
So I apologise today for my moaning (when there are many others far worse off) and for feeling sorry for myself.
- Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.