About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Hope becomes Hopeless

I don't understand.  The very people who are supposed to help Emily get better seem to be doing just the opposite.

There were trips planned for this week from the unit.  Emily was really anxious, not wanting to go.  When I dropped her off yesterday a nurse took her in because she was upset.  The nurse told her that no one would force her to go.  But what did they do?  They made her go, told her she had no choice.  She sat shaking most of the time, biting her lip.  As far as the staff were concerned "she's been fine, no problems".

I had a telephone conversation on Sunday with her named nurse.  He is the person who is supposed to have weekly chats and sessions with her.  He is hardly ever on shift when Emily is there.  She has had no sessions with anyone except the medic about her medication.  This weeks trips were worrying enough, but next week they are scheduled to go to Pleasure Island.  I told her nurse that Emily wouldn't be able to cope this, that she would be petrified.  He said he'd talk to her and she didn't have to go if she really didn't want to.

Today I spoke to that nurse again and his tone was very different.  It was quite clear that he didn't actually care what I thought.  I told him Emily's symptoms were increasing again, that our evenings with her are awful.  He didn't show any concern.  I asked if she would be able to miss the Pleasure Island trip and was told no, they wanted her to go.  After all, he told me, she'd been fine on today's trip, adding that she was being a typical teenager and seemed bored.

I didn't know what to say.  I told him that if he expected her to go next week, he'd better talk to her and explain his reasons.  I knew Emily would be really upset, but what else could I do. I hoped he'd listen to her.

Emily was in her room when I got home from work this evening, Nannan was downstairs. After Nannan went home it wasn't long before she was downstairs, crying hysterically.  Why was no one helping her, she wanted to know?  No one was talking to her. No one understood how she felt. She trembled and thrashed around, sobbing.  It took a while for her to show me the cuts and scratches on her legs.  It looked like she'd repeatedly gone backwards and forwards through brambles. Whilst they weren't deep, I'd never seen so many marks on her.

I can understand why Cahms want the children to do activities, but they have given Emily no strategies for coping.  This is a child who barely leaves the house and they want her to go to a packed noisy theme park.  Give her some tools, take it slow, build up her confidence!!  Why are they doing this?  Why won't they listen to me?  I am not a neurotic mother.  I am the mother who has to pick up the pieces when she gets home. The mother who has to look at the marks her daughter makes on her skin because she can't cope. The mother who is seeing the last glimmer of hope fade away. I am the mother who hears her daughter say she can't carry on.

I may not be medically trained but I know when something is wrong.  They are trained, why can't they see it?  Why aren't they helping?


  1. What an awful time you must be going through, sorry I've not commented recently to offer my support.

    I know from my own situation with Social Phobia that things got a lot worse before they got better, sadly there is no quick fix for these situations.

    I would agree to go out on social activities with my group but then have a massive meltdown about what I had agreed too and the OCD would take over again, could this be what is happening?

    Sometimes it's not that the Nurses don't want to talk to you, even though Emily is a child they are probably bound by confidentially clauses, my friend had similar problems when trying to discuss her daughter who had learning problems.

    Sadly the more Emily worries about the trip the more stressed she will become, I know it's easy for me to say but maybe try and focus on the good parts that can happen on the day day when she is worried, ie pigging out on candy floss and getting a sticky face, and try to get her to laugh about silly things about trips you may have had in the past.

    You can only hold high stress levels for a certain amount of time, by making her do these things she will eventually learn that she can overcome the worry and enjoy herself.

    Frank Tallis is an excellent writer of self help books, the best I have read is "How to stop worrying" and "Understanding Obsessive compulsive disorder" here is the amazon link for the first one maybe it will help to buy it or get it from the library, it has great coping strategies in it ~ http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-Stop-Worrying-Frank-Tallis/dp/1847090893

    Thinking of you and yours xxx

    1. Thank you for your support Dawn. Today I think I have things a bit more in perspective. I talked to them again and it seems Emily hides her problems so well at the centre, they don't really see or understand what's actually happening. I think I managed to build some bridges today. It's made me more positive xxx

  2. If you click look inside just above the picture of the book you can see what it contains and his qualifications xxx