Emily has made enormous steps forward. From the start of the new term she has been back full time. There have been ups and downs, but I remind myself that all teens have these regardless. In a few short weeks her confidence has grown. She will now speak in class, join in discussions and has put her name forward to be an anti bullying ambassador. She is showing a high standard of work again and is receiving good marks. I am so very proud of her and I think she is of herself.
For me, life goes on. I am currently supporting an 18 year old at work who has comlex mental health problems. When others don't know how to handle mental illness, they turn to me and I can not let them down. This, however, does impact on my own wellbeing.
Its my own fault, I have taken on too much. Work, my family, supporting others in need and now by joining the committee for a charity I hold dear to my heart. I sit doing work from home and all around me there is overdue housework screaming at me.
My lack of wellbeing has been most acute these last few days, and during these times I find it hard to talk. This morning I wrote a little ditty and thought it summed things up.
The pain I feel is deep inside,
locked away and trying to hide
The sad thing is there's no escape
from the demons with carnage in their wake
Today i'll struggle, tommorow too
You don't see it's hidden from view
The exhaustion of facing each new day,
makes me want to slip away
Over dramatic this may sound,
but my sanity can not be found
I do not want to feel this way,
despite what people often say
The fight goes on, for now at least
Be quiet you multi headed beast
My children still need their mother,
for them there can be no other
I can only hope the day will come,
when you'll find me laughing in the sun
Until that day the fight goes on,
pretending to all, the monster is gone