We have a date for Emily to start as a day patient; a week on Wednesday.
Emily cried when she read the letter. She knows she needs the help, but the realisation that in a short time she will spend days away from me is hard for her to cope with. There is also fear of the unknown.
Our daily routines continue much as before, managing anxiety attacks, whilst trying to fit in working, shopping and wedding organising. My wedding, now just four weeks away, is also a source of anxiety for Emily. My hope is that she will get caught up in her 'role' as bridesmaid and this will be enough of a distraction to at least get her through the ceremony. After that, we'll just have to take it as it comes. We will be surrounded by family and friends who will all understand and lend a hand if needed, I just hope it won't come to that.
News has reached us, for while now, that children at the new school are wanting to know where Emily is and why she's not at school. Not much of a surprise given how long she's now been off. Unfortunately, she has no real friendships so isn't able to confide in anyone there. I'm also not sure if it would be the right thing to do anyway.
The school are getting the children to do a GCSE next year in Y9, Emily had chosen History. The more I think about school the more worried I get. I know she is a good student, but I have this sickly feeling in my stomach. Its not even likely that she will go back at the start of the new school year, how is she ever going to catch up?
Its not just the study side of things though. There will be a day when she has walk back into that school and there will be questions. Not only will she have to deal with this but she'll also still be fighting to control her fears.
What does the future hold? I just don't know, I need to take the advice I give to Emily I think, one day at a time, just one day at a time.
A diary of ongoing events documenting mental health issues of mother and daughter
I saw your blog on Netmums and wasn't sure why I started to read but realised your Emily's story is almost identical to mine. Except that no one realised it wasn't normal teenage angst and I struggled alone.
ReplyDeleteAt 13 I walked out of school whilst rocks were thrown at my head and never returned.
I can't give you any advice you sound a much more experienced and competent Mum that me.
But I hoped it may comfort you to know that by 17 I had 7 GCSEs (a-c), by 21 3 A levels (a-b) and at 23 I was at a top London university training to teach, engaged and living in my own home.
I'm not going to pretend it wasn't an enormous battle but there is a light xxx
I'm so sorry to hear that you had to go through this experience on your own. It's never too late to ask for help if you still need it. I know that this type of experience can stay with you, but it sounds like you've been able to find the strength to do well. I'm so proud to read what you've achieved after such a traumatic time. I know my Emily will find her way, but yes it will take more heartache and time.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting. I really do wish you well xx