About Me

Mum of 2, suffering my own mental health issues, I began to write this blog as a way to release feelings and emotions. At 13 my daughter was terribly bullied which has led to her having serious mental health problems of her own. She is now 16. I wanted to document our journey and hopefully be able to look back and see how far we have come.

Tuesday, 19 June 2012

Nowhere to hide

Emily's episodes continue to worsen.  This evening I heard her run frantically across her bedroom and launch herself down the stairs. It was 10.30pm.  She told me that she'd barely escaped. 'They' had surrounded her, tried to hold her down and cover her mouth.  She was so terrified that she couldn't get away, but had spotted a gap between them and made a run for it. 

I gave her a hug and tried to soothe with words, but we both know they have little effect.  I'm frightened too.  Frightened of what might come next.  I looked into her glazed eyes tonight and I just see something broken.  Eventually she agreed to go back to bed.

I have work tomorrow.  I don't feel like I can face it, but I also feel I need a break from Emily, so it seems like I have little choice.  That sounds so selfish, I don't mean to be, but my own mental health problems are just waiting, desperate to come out and take over.  That can't happen, I will hold it together.

I went to CAMHS on my own on Monday.  I needed to be able to talk freely. I feel bad that I get frustrated because there is no let up.  The Dr was very kind and said I was doing all I could, all the right things.  We all know I can't heal her, we just need to keep her safe and get through to next Friday.

But for Emily there is nowhere safe and nowhere to hide.

8 comments:

  1. I've just read through your whole blog - you write beautifully on a heartbreaking subject. I really hope that as a family you are getting all the support you need. Keep writing and keep pushing the people in charge for the help that you need. x

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    1. Thank you so much for your kind comments and for reading the blog.

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  2. Thanks to Kate (above) I have also just discovered your blog. Since I read it, it has been very hard to get you and Emily out of my head. I wrote a blog post about it and hopefully this will get your story out there for more people to see. I pray that Emily will soon get the support, treatment and therapy she needs. Much love xxx

    http://bigeejit.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/late-night-thoughts.html

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    1. Thank you so much Lauren, I've left a comment on your blog xx

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  3. I have come across your blog today and its broken my heart. Emilys story is so simpler to my own, at 12 I was bullied and it impacted my mental health greatly, but unlike Emily I kept it all to myself for a long time. I was eventually referred for counselling and I came out the other side with the support of my friends and family. Its so amazing that Emily has you and your supportive family, and that she feel so able to share everything with you. Keep pushing, keep fighting and most of all keep writing. x

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    1. I so sorry to hear you went through similar experiences alone. That is something I can relate to and probably why I am so determined to support Emily in all the ways I wasn't. I'm glad you were able to get the help you needed and have support around you now. Thank you for reading my blog x

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    2. The same as Lauren above, I was unable to get your story out of my head all of last night. I too have written a blog post about it in hope that your story will get out there and the link between bullying/mental health will be more openly spoken about.
      http://cupcakescorinthianscrafts.blogspot.co.uk/2012/06/reminder-of-past.html

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    3. Thank you Melanie, I read your blog and left you a comment xx

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